I Love My Parents.

But it's time for me to leave.

The more time I spend in this house, the less I respect them as human beings. And I'm worried that if I don't get out soon, when I do end up leaving I'll never come back, and I don't really want that to happen.

Like, if I leave now, even if I move out for like a year, I could still come back.

But if I stay, it's gonna be a blowout, and then I'm just gonna be gone for good.

I dunno. My parents just aren't the same people they used to be. My mom's always in a bad mood, and she treats people like crap when she's in a bad mood so she's just mean all the time.

And my dad is just.. I dunno he's actually ok half the time he's just really lazy which bothers my mom a lot. But they can't communicate so I get caught in the middle. So also, if I was gone maybe that would teach them to communicate finally. Because I feel like sometimes I instigate. If I'm upset with my dad about something I can't just vent about it to my mom, she ends up going all postal on everybody. And my dad just gets all bummed out and stuff. So I pretty much just either never go home or I'm always in my room. I honestly just feel like I had to have been adopted sometimes. My mom always says I'm just like her, but I don't see much of myself in her at all. Like I'm one of the most patient people I know. And I always try to be nice and in a good mood, even if I'm in a bad mood. Like, I'm more quiet when I'm not in a good mood, but I at least try to be civil. And if I'm short with someone I usually try to apologize. When my mom's in a bad mood, it's the end of the world for EVERYBODY. And she has no filter on the things she says. My own mother has said some of the most hurtful things to me in my life. And then she never apologizes. I dunno. I feel like my parents are always yelling and stuff, and I haven't yelled at either of them since I was like 17. I can think of one time where I kinda raised my voice to my dad recently but it wasn't even like a big deal.

I know it could be way worse, and it HAS been way worse before, but it's just getting to be about that time.

So we'll see how things go.