Jams of the Day.

So for the past couple weeks, I've been doing this thing called "Jam of the Day" where I post a music video of any song that I'm feelin for that day on facebook and myspace. I just realized that this might be best done on Blogger. Cause then not only could I do a Jam of the Day, I can do a bit of journaling along with it and explain why that song is the song for that day. So for now I think I'm just gonna post a gang load of videos to catch up all of them. This is mostly for like, a year or so from now, I can look back and see what tunes  I was feelin at this time in my life. Which I think is cool. Anyways, here goes.

June 22nd: Come all You Weary by Thrice

(This song/video gives me goosebumps.)

June 21st: If I Had Eyes by Jack Johnson

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVmbGsEtmFI

June 20th: At Last by Etta James

(For Brandon and Daisy's Wedding :P )

June 19th: With a Little Help From My Friends by either Joe Cocker or The Beatles (meh?)

June 18th: A Movie Script Ending by Death Cab for Cutie

(I'm surprised it took this long to have a DCfC song up here)

June 17th: The Past and Pending by The Shins

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmGSKJJmhDo

June 16th: How to Disappear Completely by Radiohead

June 15th: Hoppipolla by Sigur Ros

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EyI4p0yjDQ

June 14th: Rise by Eddie Vedder

June 13: Diana Ross by The Concretes

June 12: Graduation by Vitamin C

(All my friends were graduating that weekend :P )

June 11th: Somebody to Love by Queen

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxbFLYa0_bw

June 10th: Knife by Grizzly Bear

June 9th: The Prayer by KiD CuDi

June 8th: Ghetto Rock by Mos Def

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12IYVa3pwSQ

(Could only find the clean version. Not necessarily bad thing, just not a fan of censorship)

OK now we're all caught up. See ya tomorrow!

Vitamin C

So it's Grad weekend. Last year grad weekend just made me really sad because I didn't get to walk at my graduation, and it made me miss being in highschool and all that stuff.

But this year I'm more just thinking "I'm so glad I don't have to do this stuff anymore. And I'm so excited for when none of my friends are in highschool so I don't have to sit through these for a few more years."

I mean I'm stoked for my friends, that's awesome. But I'm just realizing that I am finally over being in highschool or wanting to be in highschool and I'm really just trying to move on with my life. Like I've felt this way for a while now, but I took it really hard when I graduated. And I spent so long  just trying to live in the past, that now that I'm more focused on the future, I'm absolutely lost.

It's really neat, but it's a little terrifying.

That's really all I have to report. I bought my one way ticket to LAX night before last. So that's settled.

I'm excited. I told Nate that once I get off that plane I'm not doing ANYTHING until I've had some In N' Out.

Also I've been recording again. And I really like what I've been coming up with a lot. It's different. It's a lot different. But it's cool. It's mine. I dunno, I'm happy with it. And I know most people may not like it but I don't really care because I really dig it a lot, and that's all that matters to me.

Word!

The New Phase.

I ONLY listen to hip-hop lately. I've been writing a lot of spoken word.

And I've been changing up my style a little bit. Don't worry, I'm not saggin my jeans and wearin tall tees.

I wanna be the white Mos Def. (Dude to ya left.) Which is tough because then I just look like me with a cool hat on. Otherwise I'm just trynna figure out where I'm at and where I'm going. Nothing really new to report. Just grindin daily. 7-3's mostly. Which sucks. Haven't had a day off in a minute. But I'll get mine.

I'LL GET MINE.

Anyways, Imma start postin some spoken word on youtube i think. Which sounds lame, but i dunno. 

I Love My Parents.

But it's time for me to leave.

The more time I spend in this house, the less I respect them as human beings. And I'm worried that if I don't get out soon, when I do end up leaving I'll never come back, and I don't really want that to happen.

Like, if I leave now, even if I move out for like a year, I could still come back.

But if I stay, it's gonna be a blowout, and then I'm just gonna be gone for good.

I dunno. My parents just aren't the same people they used to be. My mom's always in a bad mood, and she treats people like crap when she's in a bad mood so she's just mean all the time.

And my dad is just.. I dunno he's actually ok half the time he's just really lazy which bothers my mom a lot. But they can't communicate so I get caught in the middle. So also, if I was gone maybe that would teach them to communicate finally. Because I feel like sometimes I instigate. If I'm upset with my dad about something I can't just vent about it to my mom, she ends up going all postal on everybody. And my dad just gets all bummed out and stuff. So I pretty much just either never go home or I'm always in my room. I honestly just feel like I had to have been adopted sometimes. My mom always says I'm just like her, but I don't see much of myself in her at all. Like I'm one of the most patient people I know. And I always try to be nice and in a good mood, even if I'm in a bad mood. Like, I'm more quiet when I'm not in a good mood, but I at least try to be civil. And if I'm short with someone I usually try to apologize. When my mom's in a bad mood, it's the end of the world for EVERYBODY. And she has no filter on the things she says. My own mother has said some of the most hurtful things to me in my life. And then she never apologizes. I dunno. I feel like my parents are always yelling and stuff, and I haven't yelled at either of them since I was like 17. I can think of one time where I kinda raised my voice to my dad recently but it wasn't even like a big deal.

I know it could be way worse, and it HAS been way worse before, but it's just getting to be about that time.

So we'll see how things go.

Where Have You Been?

So my mom just gave me vikodin cause my ankle was hurtin hella bad.

And I'm REALLY... high, basically.

But I'm gonna try to write anyways.

SO.

Basically, my whole life I've just had periods of my life where I basically hate everyone for a little while.

Like 95% of the time I'm really happy and I love everybody, and I'm stoked about life.

But I'm just really emotionally effected by pretty much everything.

So a lot of the times just seeing some of the stuff people do to each other really gets me down.

But at the same time seeing some of the beautiful stuff that happens in life has a greater impact than it does on most people. So it works both ways.

It just kinda sucks because once I get myself down it's really hard to crawl my way back up.

And sometimes these harsh phases usually bring me to drinking and drugs and all of the stupid stuff that I shouldn't do, just because it used to be hard to really care enough to say no.

But you know, I've gotten a lot better. In the last year-ish, even when I have those moments of being bummed out, I just try to spend as much time as I can with God and pray a lot and just kind of get away from everyone. Which is kind of where I've been for the last couple weeks. I've been really angry or sad and I couldn't figure out how to fix it.

But I think I've finally reached a breaking point again, and I'm back on top. And it feels really good, knowing that I made it out without having to hit rock bottom again.

So I'm just proud of myself, I guess.