Thousands Upon Thousands.

I've been stuck lately. I'm really happy in some aspects of my life.

I finally feel at home in my home. I'm on the church staff now, which is awesome.

I think I finally kinda know what I want to do with my life.

I definitely know what I want out of my life.

But I don't know what lengths I may have to go to to make that a reality.

I don't know what's in store for me in the next 1-6 years.

I don't know what's even going to happen to me in the next 1-6 months.

1-6 days, even.

I never really know where I'm going from one day to the next.

And whereas this used to be exciting and adventurous,

Everything's kind of slowed down.

So I usually just end up sitting at home all day

Laying in bed.

But the thing is, there's not a whole lot I can do right now.

Summer qtr doesn't start for a while.

It's stupid to look for new jobs because I'll be gone for a month in July.

At least I hope so. I haven't been getting many hours.

Even the girl i like isn't ready to commit to anything just yet

So I'm kind of stuck idling.

And all I can really do right now is wait.

And pray.

Which I have been.

Like Crazy.

Oh, Mercy, Mercy Me

My heart's been skipping beats all day.
It's been a long time since I've let any one thing have this much power over me.
It's exhilarating. And it's absolutely terrifying.
I really don't like it. I don't like the idea of being afraid to lose something.
I don't like the idea of being attached to something so whimsical.
I dunno. It's been so long it's like the first time all over again.
And it's painful. But I'm trying not to be a baby about it.

Chinchilla.

Sorry about that last post. I've just been grumpy pants kinda today and yesterday.

It's a little complicated, don't really wanna get into it.

On the upside, it's sunny outside.

I also met with my old youth pastor mike and we talked about my future.

I asked him "paramedic, teacher, or youth pastor?"

and he said "yes."

so we just kinda figured out how that might work.

here's the plan.

at pierce i can take a course that would prep me for EMT and that only takes a while. Then I can be an EMT and work through school while I work towards a teaching degree. It would probably benefit me to attend a christian school because then after I get my teaching degree I want to get a pastor's license so I can be a youth pastor through the school that I work for. As far as which school to attend for my degree, mike said that i'd want to get a degree in the state that i want to start out teaching in, and if you teach at an inter-city (aka "ghetto") school for four years, they pay for your degree. I already was planning on starting out teaching in South Central LA, which is right around where I grew up. I literally had to move to Washington because private school was too expensive and my mom was afraid to put me in the LA school district. I've always wondered how I'd have ended up if I stayed in the LA district, so I guess now's my chance to find out.

I'm not sure how long I'd stay there, but I spose after a time I'd move somewhere where I could settle down and have a family, etc. And that's when I'd try to get my pastoral license and be a youth pastor through the school, like for example the young life leaders and stuff like that. So I could teach kids and everything, and not have to beat them over the head with a bible, but they know where I'm coming from. They know that there's something different about me, and hopefully that would compel them to check out what that difference would be about.

I dunno, it just seems like a really good plan. But it's a lot. So right now I'm just taking things one step at a time.

For now, I'm working on the road trip this summer and saving money.

Then, I'm enrolling in summer classes and trying to make up for the classes I failed back when I though I was too cool for college.

Then, full time student.

And we'll take it from there, I spose.

Child of Dust.

Sometimes I wonder why people are worth the effort in the first place.

What makes us so highly evolved?

What makes our lives so much more important?

I know there's the biblical statement that we are made in God's image so therefore we're important.

But I don't think God spends his life in front of the television.

I don't think God wastes his money on things he doesn't need, when there are others in poverty.

I don't think God eats and eats until he's full just because it feels better than going hungry.

I don't think God ignores the people that are hurting just because it makes him uncomfortable to think about it.

I don't think God would change the channel during a CNN report from war-torn third world nations.

I don't think God would do any of the awful things that we, as humans, are capable of.

So who are we to think that we're more important than dolphins, or monkeys, or even ants.

I mean, when was the last time you saw a dolphin pay a fortune for fin implants?

Or a monkey take out a second mortgage on his treehouse to pay for a mercedes?

But they're freakin smart, I'll tell ya.

Humans just constantly disappoint each other. We hurt each other. We are entirely and utterly self-absorbed.

So is it the few that are truly kind and loving that must make an example for the rest of us?

Is it these few that will stand trial as the pinnacle of our existence on judgement day?

And if not, what will happen to these few when the rest of us burn?

Will the rapture really take the good people away? But if they truly are good, wouldn't they want to stay?

I mean, if they truly were selfless, they would stay with the people left behind, to try and convince them to fight for Christ. To try and convince them that they must stand their ground.

I mean, is that possible?

I dunno. If I was raptured I wouldn't be able to just leave everyone else behind. But I may not have a choice.

I don't really know what I'm saying. I just had kind of a weird night. And I'm tired of sunday christians and intolerance and kids that have to grow up with drug addicts and double-divorcees for parents. 

I promise on a regular basis, I'm typically not nearly this negative. But sometimes I over-think things.

I Once Was Caged Up,

Yo.

So this has been a pretty awesome couple weeks. Rather than postin up on facebook for hours at a time, I've been doing, like... other things.

I subscribed to a coupe podcasts, though. But they're podcasts like Obama's weekly address, Occupation in Iraq, Alive in Mexico, Alive in Baghdad, BBC Global News, stuff like that. To keep me globally educated. It's been really interesting. Except the Iraqi Occupation one just pisses me off. Did you know we're spending trillions of dollars to send out young americans, husbands, wives, sons, daughters, away from their loved ones for months at a time...

...so they can teach Iraqi children Boyscouts/Girlscouts?

Isn't that AWESOME??

end sarcasm.

Sure, it's nice. Warm and fuzzies ensue. But I mean, these people signed up to "serve their country" and whatnot, not babysit. OUR OCCUPATION NEEDS TO END.

Did you know that the best way for a national banking system to make money is war profiteering?

So maybe there's a reason we're still in Iraq. I dunno. I don't wanna get too liberal on you guys.

Anyways, so I've been learning a lot. And I've been experiencing a lot. I noticed when I go out into the wilderness (what little wilderness there is left in the suburbs), is when I really spend my close time with God. The other night I was out longboarding and just stopped and sat on the ground and prayed for like an hour and a half. It was super duper. I've noticed a change brewing inside of me. I sense of duty, almost. A responsibility for my community and those around me. So I've been pretty busy the last couple weeks, because I've been made responsible for all the kids 13-16 at my church so I've been postin up with them a lot. It's pretty fulfilling, actually. Anyways, that's mostly my life. The other stuff is a little more just for me and not so much for the internet.

Ok, see you... I dunno, around.