Give The Boy a Chance

So I used to really love spoken word. I never really did it in public, but I always wanted to.

I kinda stopped writing about a year ago, I've written a few things since but most of them are actually, like, poems.

This is the first spoken word or slam poem that I've written in a long time.

Please don't get mad if it doesn't match up with your views, it's just been something I've been talking about a lot lately. And the language is written how I'd say it, so a lot of the spelling may be bad. Also there's a bad word. Just a disclaimer.

Give The Boy a Chance.

In about three months you'll start to show.

People will start to whisper, the look on your daddy's face alone

Is reason enough to get rid of this poor burden.

Snip it clean, baby, don't you put that evil on me.

I mean, it can't feel it, right? It won't even know it, right?

So how can it even be considered a life, right?

Well lemme ask you somethin, sister, if this little fetus

Didn't grow into a man, you and I would not be talkin bout

What we're talkin bout right now.

So come on, baby, give the boy a chance!

I've heard foster care's a bitch, but then again, so's dyin.

And some of the most beautiful things in life are accidents.

Think about all the times you guessed on a test and got the answer right.

Or made a wrong turn and ended up somewhere better.

Or didn't make it to a party that the po-po crashed.

Or accidentally fell in love.

Or accidentally got knocked up.

Or accidentally given birth to a man who'd be a teacher

And save the lives of students who had all but given up.

Or a man who'd be a doctor and say no to abortions because

If that was the answer he wouldn't be standin there.

And I know that you're thinkin I couldn't possibly understand.

How can I stand here and lecture you, when I'm a man?

Well I tell you right now, honey, if it were even medically probable

I would take that baby from you right now and put it inside me and carry it.

Because if you're even thinkin about killin this poor child,

You don't deserve it in the first place.

You can't figure out how to use a condom,

You think you're smart enough to play God?

I know a man who was adopted, his mom partied a little to hard

On a spring break when she was 15, and got a little more than she bargained for.

He grew up to be my youth pastor when I was in junior high.

Right around the time when I was thinkin bout ending my life.

And because of him, I chose different.

And I know many other kids who could say the same thing.

So if that 15 year old spring-breakin teen had made that simple snip,

Think of all the silence that she would have to deal with.

The silence of all the sermons that her son woulda never spoke.

The silence of this poem that I woulda never wrote.

So come on, sister, give the boy a chance.

The First Thing About Love.

So statistically speaking, in our granparents/parents' day, only 5% of all people our age were not associated with any church or religion. That percentage is now 35%.

I believe this to be because of the fact that christianity has been associated with:

a. narrow-mindedness

b. intolerance

c. hypocrisy

d. selfishness

e. ignorance (synonym of a and b, i know)

The sad truth is that a lot of these prejudices against christians are not necessarily unfounded. How many christians have you met that are bible-bonking, turn-or-burning jesus freaks that refuse to accept you the way you are? I know I've definitely met my fair share.

I think christians for the last couple decades have it all backwards. We're supposed to love people, wounds and all, and let God do the rest. Unconditional love. The kind of love that Jesus showed the lepers, the broken, the prostitutes, the tax collectors. These were some sketchy frikkin people, but they were the ones he kept closest to him. He came for the broken, not the perfect! The lost souls are the one that need love the most, and we've got it all backwards. I think if we changed that stereotype around, maybe more people would go to church. Maybe less people would want "In God we trust" taken off the dollar bill. Maybe I wouldn't have to constantly defend myself as a christian in an everyday setting. MAYBE PEOPLE WOULDN'T HAVE TO BE EMBARASSED TO BE A CHRISTIAN ANYMORE. There was a time when people would ask me what religion I held to and I would say "I follow Jesus. But I'm not a christian." Just because I didn't want to associate with the group. I realize this was wrong. And rather than shunning christianity, like Ghandi said, I chose to "Be the change I wished to see in the world." In other words I decided that yes, I would tell the world "I am a christian" but then live by example and live in love. Then maybe would start to see that church isn't all about keeping out of hell. It's about loving the people that are living in hell every day on the streets. Every day in their broken homes. Every day in their self-medicated cookie cutter condos. It's about rescuing people from the hell they encase themselves in, and loving the CRAP out of them until the world burns and we all go skyways.

Cool story:

My man Dennis (who by the way, recorverd alcoholic, spent 2 years in prison and now runs The Crossing, where about 8 different churches meet, one of them being this really awesome biker church) goes to intensive care treatment centers and prays for the patients. He met this one lady who was dying of a disease (he didn't say which), and he would read the bible to her EVERY DAY for about two months. The doctors would always say "You should really wear a mask and gloves, her disease is terminal and you could get it." And he would simply say "My God is bigger than germs." And he would sit with her every day, and he was fine. He was there for her dying breath and read Psalms (couldnt remember which one) to her as she passed. He said that she died smiling.

I just thought that was so cool. Anyways. See ya!

You've Arrived.

I'm really happy. Seriously.

I just met with Heidi last night and we talked about my internship and I'm REALLY excited. It's funny because she was worried that it was going to be a little too demanding, or structured, or whatever. But I told her I actually expected to be pushed. I WANT to be held accountable. I want to know, black and white, what I can and cannot do. And if I don't follow that, then yeah, I want there to be consequences. I don't think I should be a leader if I'm not being held to a higher standard, so I welcome it. And my life is so crazy and unpredictable, it would be really nice if I could know that for sure, once or twice a week I'm going to be meeting with the church staff. And that every day I will read my bible. And that every day I will be held to the same standards as the day before. I really am excited for that sense of consistency, because my life for the last... decade, probably, has just been really up in the air most of the time.

I started a weekly small group called Cross Cruisers. We just meet up once a week, we pray that God will look out for us and keep us all from getting hurt, and then we go boarding and tear up the streets. Then I say "I'm gonna go do devotionals and get something to eat, anybody who's down can come with me, I got extra bibles!" And whoever wants to can go, and whoever doesn't want to, they don't have to feel obligated to. I'm really not trying to shove a bible down anyone's throat. I just want there to be a definite presence of God, and I want them to know that the option is always open. But mostly it's just about giving these kids a place to hang out once a week and a group of peeps to kick it with where they're safe (relatively), and don't have to worry about being judged and scrutinized. And it's all about having fun! To follow what we're doing a little more closely check out www.myspace.com/crosscruisers. I've got a homie filming for us and we're gonna take a lot of pictures so we'll post 'em all up after our first skate sesh this saturday! I also post bulletins from there saying where every skate sesh is gonna take place that week, so if you're interested in coming along, just add me on there and you'll officially know the word on the street!

Zumiez Couch Tour is coming up soon, they've been working me like crazy. I wasn't even scheduled this week and they've been calling me in last minute three days in a row now and I always end up working like.. ten hours. But I need the money for my trip in July! Desperately. But life keeps throwing curveballs at me, and I keep having to spend money here and there on things. I may have to start saying "no" to things, which is really hard for me. You know, like... "Evan, let's go see a movie!" Or, "Evan, come out to Seattle I haven't seen you in so long!" Stuff like that. Because I've burned through like 50 bucks in a week. Which is a lot for me, cause I can usually make that last 2. (I'm talking about aside from essential stuff like bills and gas.) But we'll see.

Also, two of my really close friends have both come back into my lives, like within a week of each other. These cats were both like my BEST friends back in the day; it's funny because all three of us used to hang out, and none of us have really spoken in a year, and now we're all really close again all of a sudden. And I'm really happy because we've all kind of been in this crazy place in our lives for the last couple years, and it seems like we all kind of broke apart, and figured it all out on our own, and now we're together again, and we're all... I dunno I feel like we're all complete people. We all know what we want out of life, and we both know there's more out there than the material and the parties and all that stupid crap that fills the belly of our society. It's really cool, and I just finally feel like... I dunno. Like "God, Ok. I get it now." This is why we went through all of that guff, so we could climb our way out and be whole when we resurface. It's really neat.

I dunno, I've just been so happy these past few months, even through some of the hard stuff that's happened. Because I know now that I've got someone taking care of me and looking out for me, and that in the end it's all up to Him. And that's seriously really comforting. And I know to some of you that may seem like a false sense of security, but I'm telling you. I've SEEN HIM IN ACTION. And He is very real.

Anti-Matter.

I'm really tired but just had some things to say real quick.

A. Star Trek is THE BOMB. Go see it right now.

B. The U at Puyallup Foursquare is poppin. Fridays at 7. I've been really blessed to have some time to kick it with those guys and they've really put some things in perspective for me and I've made some decisions in the last week or so that have been seriously life-altering, and I wouldn't have had the strength to give up some of the things I have without them.

C. I've officially been made an intern at Freedom Hill, my church in Parkland. Well, technically, I'm meeting with them on monday and they're just gonna show me the general outline of what the internship would look like and then I'd say "yes" or "no", but I'm already 99% sure that I'll say "FRICK YEAH!" unless in the next like... 36 hours God rocks my world and gives me a totally different direction to run in. 

D. Amber, I don't really know how to comment people back on this thing so they see it, but if you're reading this, thank you so much for your advice and everything you hooked me up with a few days ago. You really kinda put me in my place and opened my eyes kind of to what was really goin on. We definitely need to go to that sick spot that we went to last time and catch up again. And soon. You da bomb. Sorry if I embarrassed you by writing to you in a blog haha.

E. I was gonna take online classes over summer at Pierce, but if I'm doing this internship, then it'll probably have to wait till Fall Quarter, which is fine cause I'm peacin out for like ALL of July anyways. Dunno why I capitalized fall quarter. Anyways, I'll write again after monday and update you guys on whether or not I'm gonna be in it, but like I said, I'm pretty sure it's a given. Word up!

Impervious.

I remember one time I boxed my friend Kenny.

Of course this was a long time ago, I'm very anti-violence now.

We went at it for a long time. My strategy was to wear him out as thin as I could and then go all out on him in the end. I basically just let him hit me for a pretty long time.

My adrenaline was kicking in pretty hard, so I didn't realize how much he was actually hurting me.

Yeah, my strategy worked, but I ended up with a busted nose and a busted lip and it hurt to chew for a week.

My nose is still a little crooked, it kinda goes off to the right a little.

My point is, I just now realized how hurt I still really am.

I do a really good job of rolling with the punches.

I feel like I can take more damage than I really can.

In my lifetime, especially the last couple years, a lot of people have let me down.

A lot of people have totally abandoned me.

And then they just came back like everything was ok, and I let them.

But I'm just now starting to realize that I don't know if I'm really ok with that.

Like, I've done such a good job of acting like everything's ok that I totally forgot how much it really hurt

When they just up and left like I didn't even mean anything.

I dunno.

Weight of the World.

Does anybody else have a really hard time figuring out Blogger?

Just the whole format in general is really confusing to me. I just accidentally made a new profile or something... I don't know. THIS IS THE REAL ME. THE OTHER ONE IS A MISTAKE.

Anyways. Running desperately low on cash. 10.21 in my bank account. Thanks to large tickets. (I had like 350 buck in my bank account a month ago! I'm good at saving money now!) But Zumiez Couch Tour is coming up and I'm in charge of a. window displays and b. street team. So I get paid to do a window display with a $75 budget which is cool, and I also get paid to drive around to the skateparks and other stores like Urban Outfitters in seattle and promote Couch Tour, which is even cooler. So I'll be makin skrill soon.

Gerry said he could get me a bussing job at the country club, but I'm leaving for a month in July, it'd be really dumb for me to pick up  new job now.

On that note, I'm worried about money. I need like... 250-400 bucks by then. I know if I start working at least 15 hours a week I'll be able to do it. I can make like 20 bucks last two weeks. But I have to get that money to begin with. If worse comes to worse, I'll just fly down and hope somebody will drive me around for two weeks and then Nate or Ted will drive me up to Oregon to meet up with my fam. Ha...

On THAT note, I'm gonna try and look for jobs while I'm down there. It would be really cool to be able to live with my family. And I just need a change of scenery. This is not one of those "I'm gonna move to California and make it big" things. I don't even like Cali that much. I just LOVE my family. I would really miss rain and green-ness and the whole NW spirit in general. But it's time for me to leave the nest, I think. And go exploring.

Enough about California.

I have a lot to say cause I haven't blogged in.. two weeks? Maybe 1.5, I dunno.

I started writing again. And by "writing", I mean "staring at a blank word document for two hours at a time".

But, hey, it's a word in progress.

I also picked up on the comic again, I really wanna get crackin on it because I really think it could be successful.

Especially because I know a lot of different local business owners that would be stoked to distribute it, among pretty much anything else I do. I could pretty much poop on a piece of carboard and have it on sale at four or five different stores in my area, which is a huge blessing for me. God has graced me with a lot of connections.

Which is another reason why I wanna get out of here, because I feel like I can't go anywhere without seeing someone I know. That sounds arrogant. But it's just because I've lived here for TOO LONG.

I started writing music and playing shows again. Not to make it big or to try and get signed. Just because it's something that I love to do. I will probably never get signed, because I'm not really sure I ever want to be. I am gonna send a demo to Barsuk Records, and if they don't write back, then that's the end of it. I just really want to teach. And I don't really care all that much about making music for a living, because no matter what music is something that I'll always have. I do want to have my own label someday, but that would probably be for local aspiring artists.

On a side note, I've realized that I have a passion for home improvement. Weird? I've been lawn-mowing and weed-wacking and gardening and stuff in my spare time lately. And I really enjoy it.

On another side note this is starting to turn into a novel.

MY LAST THING:

I've been struggling a lot in my walk with faith. Like, I'm totally stoked about everything God's doing in my life. Seriously. But I just don't feel like I'm any different. Like I really need to work on my little language problem. And some other random things. I mean, I stopped partying and stuff. I'll casually drink a beer or two with close friends every once in a while (by this I mean like less than once a month. minus the occasional glass of wine with my mom, ha), but the difference is whether you're just drinking for fun or if you're drinking TO get drunk, I think. And I stopped smoking, and I'm like... almost 2 years celibate I think. Like a year and a half. Maybe I just need to spend more time with God and in my bible and stuff. And then I'll feel like I'm doing more. I just don't feel like I deserve to be a youth leader. I mean when I'm at church, I work REALLY well with the kids. Like I feel like "I'm doing a really good job, these kids really look up to me". But then I'll be hangin out with my friends and drop an "F" bomb every once in a while and stuff or tell dirty jokes, and I feel like I'm being inconsistent. And that's super whaq. So I guess just pray for me if you can, ask God to put me in my place and keep me honest. It's just when you're so used to acting a certain way for SO long it's hard to just totally change everything. But I'm working on it.

Anyways, there's probably way more going on than that, but I feel like this is borderling novella status, so I'm done. I'M SPENT.

P.S. Forget everything I ever wrote about mystery woman. 'Twas not but a dream, yo.

AKA BAD NEWS BEARS.

I love anyone and everywhone who has read this far, from the bottom of my heart.