Yungin's.

I can't sleep. I keep thinking about what my mom told me last night. I was telling her about how terribly 7th grade was for me. How I dreaded it so terribly. I would be at the bus stop and I'd be shaking because I knew that I'd get beaten up as soon as I got on the bus. And then I'd get picked on all day, then I'd have to eat lunch alone, and then I'd get beaten up again on the way home. I missed 80 days of school in 7th grade. I feign sickenss and stay home and watch reruns of Bewitchd, Magnum P.I., and Hawaii 5-0. That was also the year that I started smoking weed. I didn't tell my mom that last part, though. But she told me that was the year that that "spark" left me. She said that was the year that she could see that I was losing all of my innocence, that reality was settling in and that I wasn't the imaginative, goofy, lighthearted kid that I used to be. And it killed her.

And that reminded me of this one time when I was at the skatepark and an 8 year old (he tried to tell me he was 20, ha) tried to get me to buy him cigarettes. All I could do was laugh, really. I tried to tell him that he shouldn't smoke and he just said "You're not my mom, fuck off." Another kid said "If you're trying to bum cigarettes, then what's that in your ear?" He replied with "That's a joint, I'm saving that for later."

And now Jake, whom I've known since he was 3, is a sophomore in highschool. His goal is to go through life having never cursed, never tried alcohol or drugs, and to not have sex until he's married. I was giving him a ride home from school the other day and he was telling me how al the kids in his grade are having sex because that's like the latest fad. So instead of trading pokemon cards, it's like trading virginity's. They're not even old enough to drive and they're running around trying to have sex.

I'm tired of seeing these kids face every day like a lamb to the slaughter. I'm tired of these kids going into the combine only to be spit out a model of the same ticks and phobias and messes that we're made of. I want these kids to actually have a chance. I want to give them that chance. That's why I'm so dead-set on this youth center thing, even though everything's working against me right now. I will not stand idly by and watch these guys be forced to make such heavy decisions on their own just because they don't have anyone else to turn to.

A thirteen year old shouldn't have to smoke weed just to be accepted.

An eight year old shouldn't have to be bumming cigarettes just to be cared about.

A fifteen year old shouldn't be having sex just to be loved.

That just shouldn't happen.